World Adoption Day: Get involved and use what is in your hand!

Today is World Adoption Day and you don't need to be adopted or be a parent of an adopted child to celebrate! We can all celebrate this amazing cause because we can all take part in this cause, even if it is just by raising awareness or giving financial help to organizations that support this cause! Afterall, adoption is making the world a better place!

Here are a few ideas to assist the adoption cause:

1. Become a kangaroo parent and take care of a baby for 3-6 months while the process of and paperwork of permanent foster care or adoption is taking place.

2. Become a place of safety by having a child in your care for anywhere between one day and six months.

3. Become a permanent foster care parent and have a child in your care for up to 2 years.

4. Have a baby drop installed at your home or Church to prevent baby abandonment.

5. Give financial donations to organizations assisting the cause.

6. Sponsor a child who is in foster care at foster home.

7. Raise awareness for the cause by blogging, doing talks at schools and Churches.

8. Use whatever skills God has given you to assist! If you are a graphic designer and web developer then contact an organization and offer to do website for them, if you are an accountant then offer to do the organizations books for them, if you can bake then raise funds for the organization of your choice! Use whatever God has placed on your hand.

A friend of mine, who I am so honored to know and so proud of, Louise Coetzee, has done just that; she used what is in her hands by writting a beautiful and inspiring book called The Story Of Princess Zizi, inspired by the journey that her family has been on when adopting their beautiful daughter. What makes this book so special is that so many can relate to it; parents who have adopted, and those who have been adopted. The pages are high quality and although the background is ''colored in," the characters in the book are not, meaning that multiracial families can color the characters in according to their unique family dynamic. The book is available in both English and Afrikaans and costs just R100.00.
Contact Louise Coetzee on 0788124301 or email her on louise.coetzee252@gmail.com.

  National March for Life and Pro-life Conference 2017

I was honoured to have been invited to be one of the guest speakers at the NAL conference in Durban 3 weeks ago, a conference organized by Doctors for Life with the intention of uniting South African pro-lifers, pro-life activists and pro-life organizations. I shared my testimony and personal experience of being in a crisis pregnancy and spoke about the importance of knowing the locations of the local crisis pregnancy centres and baby safe boxes in the local community and around South Africa so that women who are in a crisis can be given options- options other than abortion. Because let's face it, the culture of the time we live in pushes the abortion agenda as the solution to crisis pregnancy and abortion is so easily available since the legalization of abortion 20 years ago.



Most people know where their local abortion providers are but not where their local crisis pregnancy centres are located, so if we are truly going to make a change and live a proactive pro-life lifestyle then we need to do more than just tell women in crisis not to go through with abortion- but actually help them and walk a road with them and present them with better options. 
I believe with all my heart that women deserve BETTER than abortion and if abortion is about women's rights then women deserve a better solution to crisis pregnancy; a solution that is not destructive or damaging to a woman's physical and mental health.

Study after study shows that abortion increases the risk of breast cancer by up to 30% and that abortion can cause future infertility problems.
Post abortive psychological conditions include PTSD, depression, suicidal tendencies, eating disorders and self harm tendencies. 
I doubt very much than any woman WANTS to abandon their baby or have their baby aborted- both abortion and baby abandonment are desperate acts that come from a place of feeling like there was no other choice and no other way out.

I also shared about the baby abandonment crisis in South Africa and tried to raise awareness around the shocking statistics that show that up to 63% of the babies abandoned in rubbish bins and drains and fields are in fact botched 3rd trimester abortions. Women and girls in crisis need to be educated and informed that the posters and stickers found on lamp-posts and rubbish bins that promise a safe and painless abortion are dangerous and illegal.

The conference was held at the Gateway Church in Mt Edgecombe and I got to meet such inspiring and influential people: 
Xolani Klaas, a pastor who was conceived out of rape, shared his story of how his mother was encouraged to abort him but refused. He shared his story of how he struggled with his identity because he did not know who his father was. His turning point came when he realized that his Father is in fact the Father of the universe and his name Xolani, means to be still. 

"He says 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

A gynecologist who is one of the board members of Doctors for Life shared her experience of being a pro-life gynecologist dealing with the issue of patients asking her to perform abortions and how she tries to encourage life to expectant mothers in crisis.

Pastor Rusty Thomas, an American pastor from Texas who preaches the pro-life message, shared his convictions and preached about the spiritual aspect of abortion and what the Bible says about abortion and child sacrifice. It was a powerful and thought provoking message. Rusty is also the national director of Operation Rescue/ Operation Save America.

I got to meet so many amazing people, each one making an impact in their local community; preachers, crisis pregnancy help-line facilitators, Doctors for Life employees and volunteers, and those involved in local Christian radio stations. 

The conference was actually on the same day as my birthday, which is also Dominics birthday- he turned 8 and I turned 31 and it was so exciting to be doing what I love so dearly: human rights activism for the little humans on the other side of the womb, on my birthday! 
I am also so grateful that we got to spend our special day in beautiful Durban as it is our favorite destination in South Africa because of the lovely weather and natural beauty but also because Ashley and I met in Durban and are both from Durban, so Durban has some sentimental and nostalgic value for us too.
Ashley took the children to the bird park and to Essenwood flea market while I was at the conference and afterwards we went for a long walk on the beach and got pizza and milkshakes to celebrate our special day together as family.

Since my near death experience of almost dying after childbirth because of undiagnosed placenta accreta and almost bleeding out completely, I am very emotional on the birthdays of the people I love most because the reality is not lost to me that I was almost not here to celebrate these days with my husband and children.

I am at a loss of words to express just how grateful I am to still be here and the gratitude overwhelms me daily.

On Sunday 1 October we went to the beach again and Ashley and the kids swam in the ocean while Quade and I played in the sand. Because we live in Cape Town, my children don't get to swim in the ocean too often as it is too cold, so this was such a treat for them and they loved every minute of it!
At 2pm we headed to Gateway shopping centre to the National March for Life. 

This march is the only national pro-life march here in South Africa, where people from all over South Africa come to join in unity and stand up for the rights of the most vulnerable person in our society; the unborn.

There were around 900 people who attended the March and Pastor Rusty, Pastor Klaas and I got to make a speech at the beginning of the march.

We marched around Gateway shopping centre and over the Millennium bridge. The march did disrupt traffic and there were mixed reactions from the onlookers- some people would hoot and cheer- others would shake their heads and refuse the pro-life literature and pamphlets that were being handed out.





The march was so well organized that there were even water stations where marchers could get a drink of water as Durban is very hot and humid in October and it didn't take long before we felt very thirsty and hot!

It made me feel so proud to be an activist for the human rights of the unborn as we marched side by side, with the passion and love for the unborn as our mutual reason for marching.

If you are passionate about pro-life and are wanting to connect and network with other pro-lifer activists and organizations I strongly encourage you to attend the NAL conference next year. The NAL annual conference takes place on the first Saturday of October and the annual National March For Life takes place on the first Sunday of October at 2:30pm outside the Gateway Shopping Centre. I also want to encourage and urge people to come to the march and stand together and take a stand for the rights of the unborn!

Contact Doctors for Life for more information.

I look forward to the conference and march next year!

My visit to The New Life Centre:

I had the great honor of hanging out with Rennie Joubert and getting to hear her story last Saturday. Rennie, 74, a retired accountant, runs the New Life Centre - a Christian centre in Belleville Cape Town that accommodates women in crisis pregnancy - with her husband Wietz Joubert, 78.

Not only is she the house mother of the New Life Centre but also does spiritual counselling with the ladies at the New Life Centre, and has even delivered 3 of the babies who were born at the home!

There have been 445 adoptions, 176 women who chose to be single parents, 1 miscarriage, 3 phantom pregnancies and 4 still-born or babies who died shortly after birth at the centre over the past 20 years.

I asked her some questions about the home:

How many years has the home been running and how many women have been accommodated by the New Life Centre?

The home started 20 years ago, the same year that abortion was legalized, and over the years there have been 629 girls and women pass through the home. The youngest girl was just 11 years old and the oldest 42 years old. The home can accommodate 10 ladies at a time although, if the home is full, we pull out mattresses and the ladies sleep on the floor.

How much does it cost to run this home each month?

Around R25 000 a month for the running of the home, petrol and medical costs.

Do these women receive medical care from the government?

Yes. The women give birth at Karl Bremer Hospital and we have had a very positive experience over the years with this hospital. Dr Deal at Durbanville Medi Clinic does scans for us free of charge. Most of the ladies give birth naturally and there have been 3 births at the home as the ladies did not get to the hospital in time, so I delivered 3 of the babies myself, and one of them was breech!

Where do you receive your money from each month?

It really comes from God! The Ministry of the Belleville Methodist Church give us the house for free each month and some of the members assist with money and groceries each month. We also receive money from The Community Chest.

What "qualifies" as a crisis for girls and women to come to the home and what does a "crisis" pregnancy mean?

Being homeless, being kicked out of the family home or shunned by the family, drug abuse, and girls and women not being emotionally ready to be a mother to the baby that they are carrying.
We do not discriminate and all women of all walks are welcomed. We have had atheist and Muslim ladies come to us as there are no crisis pregnancy centres in the Muslim communities.
Women who return a second time in a second crisis pregnancy are also not turned away but rather welcomed back. Our first priority is to try and unite the girls and women with their families.

Is the home very strict? Are girls and women allowed visitors?

No drugs or drinking is allowed and friends and relatives may visit but preferably not boyfriends. The girls rotate a chore list and take turns to cook and clean.

What is the road that you walk with the ladies if they choose to put the baby up for adoption?

The New Life Centre works with Pro Care so
the process is therefore a "private' adoption and the ladies can choose the family that will adopt their baby.
Once the mother has given birth to the baby she may see the baby and meet the baby if she wants to. The baby is then taken to the "baby room" while she recovers. The mother is encouraged to say good bye to the baby back at the home. The mother has 60 days to change her mind and keep her baby if she chooses to. In this time a Kangaroo mom will collect the baby with a court order. Post adoption agreement letters are decided between the social worker, the adoptive parents and the birth mother.
We try keep the ladies here as long as possible after the birth and we do post birth counselling.

I am under the impression that a private adoption is very expensive and this is often what puts many people off the idea of adopting privately. Is it true that a private adoption can cost up to R100 000?

No not at all! It works on a sliding scale and depends on your income. This allows anyone to adopt and it doesn't mean that because someone is very wealthy that they will necessarily be good parents and it would not be fair to lower income families who wish to adopt. 


Do girls receive any skills training while at the home?

Yes they do - they do a computer course and they learn to cook and clean. There is a lady who comes in to do antenatal classes with the ladies and a midwife who comes to see them at home as well.
A lady comes in to teach them to crochet and another lady comes to do guest house training with them.  We are currently looking for someone to train the ladies customer service skills, so someone who can commit an hour a week to the ladies in the home.

What are your needs and how can people get involved and support the home?

If there are specific skills that anyone feels that they can train the ladies in we would appreciate them volunteering their time. We will appreciate the donation of books, toiletries and clothes and financial donations are welcomed.



So as you can see Rennie and her husband are making a difference in South Africa, one crisis pregnancy at a time and Rennie says she wants to give God all the glory for the strength and grace He gives her.

If you would like to get involved in training the ladies or volunteering please contact Rennie and The New Life Centres bank account details are on their website.

If you know anyone who is in crisis pregnancy please share this information with them and encourage youth pastors and pastors to raise awareness and preach about the different crisis pregnancy centres in your area. 

Link to their website.

www.newlifecentre.co.za

To the girl/woman considering abortion:

I do not know who you are or how you got to this place of contemplating aborting your baby but please hear my story so that you can make an informed decision.

I was 14 years old but behaved like a 19 year old, doing things and going places that were not legal yet, and if my mother tried to stop me I would run away from home. I was an angry teenager acting out because I was sexually abused as a child and acting out because my father walked out on us. I was angry and out of control.
I began to notice that I was gaining weight on my stomach and wondered if I could be pregnant but reasoned that it would never happen to me.
I didn't want a baby so therefore, in my mind, I would not have a baby or become pregnant until I wanted to.
Nonetheless I took a pregnancy test and was shocked to learn that I was pregnant.

My boyfriend at the time (lets call him David) and I decided that we were both too young to become parents. He wanted to finish school, and I was convinced that I would be the worst mother on earth as I could hardly take care of myself, never mind a baby.
Neither of our families were financially well off, and my mother was a single mother so I reasoned that aborting my baby would be the best solution because neither of our families could afford a baby.

I made sure not to tell any of my friends so that no one would be able to talk me out of it.

On the day of my abortion I bunked school and my boyfriend had a motorbike to drive us to the clinic.
We arrived early, just after 8am, and I filled in the paper work. I used an alias name, the nurses didn't even ask for an I.D. An ultrasound was done to confirm the pregnancy and to see how far along I was. I was 14 weeks along. I remember seeing the little jellybean on the screen and hearing the heart beat. I remember thinking, "Get it out, just get this thing out of me!"

Next, the nurse took me to the next room and crushed up two tablets and stuck them deep inside of me. She explained that I would experience some cramping, and that we had to wait a few hours until the fetal tissue was ready to be removed. She never once called my baby a baby and when I asked her if the fetus would feel anything she told me that it would not because it wasn't fully developed yet.

So David and I went to the nearest shopping centre and walked around and had a milkshake while we waited for our baby to die. I had a few cramps but was convinced that I was doing the right thing. After all, this baby would be better off without me.

At midday we went back to the abortion clinic and I was given a hospital gown to change into. There were other women in the waiting room dressed in hospital gowns too, all lined up for there 'procedure', as the nurses called it.

One by one they went in, and all came out crying. No one said a word or comforted one another. Then it was my turn to go in.

Up until then I had managed to keep my head high and face brave, but when I lay on that bed and the next ultrasound was done, I started crying hysterically. It hit me. The reality of killing my own child hit me and it was too late to do anything about it.
I saw the jelly bean again on the screen but this time there was no heart beat, just silence.
My feet were put up in stirrups and the abortionist took a long needle and stuck it deep inside of me. The pain was overwhelming and I kicked at him and resisted and closed my legs. Angrily he said, "Do you want to die? If I don't suck her out you will die!" Her. It was a girl. "What other options do I have?" I asked. "You could go to the hospital but then your family will find out and I am guessing that you don't want that."

I opened my legs again and let him continue as hot tears streamed down my face.

I listened as the fetus was sucked out and heard the sound of the parts falling into the red waste bad that said "Human Waste.'' It sounded like mud being thrown onto a plastic bag.

I went back to the waiting room where the other women and girls sat but warm blood started streaming down my legs and the pain was unbearable. A nurse put a linen saver under my bum and I sat there, bleeding and cramping and weeping and feeling like the worst person on earth.

After the abortion I really struggled. I became so depressed that I wanted to sleep all day. I cried so much and it was all too much for David to handle. 
We broke up shortly after.

I met my husband and fell madly in love and married him when I was 19 and had my daughter when I was 20. When I held my daughter in my arms for the first time the guilt came back to haunt me. I was holding a baby. A baby. Like the one I disposed of.

I was diagnosed with post natal depression and put on medication but the guilt and dark thoughts never left me. I decided that the right thing for me to do was to commit suicide... my daughter deserved a better mother and my husband a better wife so it was the right thing to do. I would be doing them a favor.

So I wrote my suicide notes and wrote the hardest letter I have ever had to write, to my daughter....explaining why it would be better if i didn't stick around.
God knows I was going to do it. I had made up my mind that I was going to do it.
But in my dark moment of extreme desperation I called out to God and said "If you are real, please.... NOW would be a good time to reveal it!"

God revealed Himself to me and for the first time in my life I felt a supernatural peace that cannot be explained. Up until that point I had always felt so uneasy, so on edge, but that night I experienced peace. 

A friend who had been praying for me had given me a Bible and I stared reading it and as I asked questions in my mind the answers were appearing on the page! It was like I was having a conversation with God. Sounds crazy I know but this was my experience and it has changed me on such a deep level. I made the decision to become a Christian and asked God to help me live as I was not strong enough enough to do it alone.

I know what it feels like to be weak.
I know what it is like to feel so deadly alone and afraid.
I know what it is like to have no hope.
I have been there. I have experienced the overwhelming reality of being in a crisis pregnancy. I have suffered the loss of losing a baby girl to abortion to the point where I almost killed myself just to end the pain.

Abortion is not a quick fix. There is no quick fix once you are in a crisis pregnancy. The other roads and the other options will also have challenges but ask yourself this, what will you regret more? Abortion? Or choosing life for your baby?

There are many crisis pregnancy centers in our country but sadly girls and women do not know their options. Abortion is widely marketed as being a cheap, painless and easy procedure. Believe me, abortion is not cheap- it costs a life. Abortion is not painless and abortion is definitely not easy.
Please do your research before making the most difficult decision you may have to make in your life.

http://melissa-story.cvafr.com