Arise. Butterfly. Glorify.

I Am Not Worthy

Lord Jesus: 
Its me again. I'm sorry to bug You … 

Third time today and its 11 am. 

Its just that this child you gave me is so unreasonable. I know he is only four, but when he  told me the lunch I made him tastes ''yuk" and refused to eat anything I lost my temper with him again. I really am sorry and really am trying to be a better person.

Forgive me Jesus, and help me because I lack the strength and the patience to live the way I desire to live for You. 

In Jesus name, Amen

I imagine God rolling His eyes and thinking, "This woman again, asking for grace again, for the same mistake." Thankfully, it is only in my imagination that God rolls His eyes at me and thankfully God is a God of grace and mercy. 

You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

I mess up too often. And when I say I mess up I don't mean that I am the mastermind behind a bank robbery or that I plan to put arsenic in my mother-in-law's coffee. But sin is sin. Black is black and white is white. And then, thankfully, there are shades of grace through the blood of Jesus Christ. 

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace. Ephesians 1:7 

God knows my heart and God knows I try... 

I try so hard not to be angry

I try so hard not to judge when someone does something that I don't understand or agree with. I try so hard not to shout at the car in front of me that's driving 40 kilometers an hour in the fast lane on the highway when I am running late. I fall into the traps that the enemy has set, and I have to ask for forgiveness for the same sins. And I find myself asking God WHY He would instruct or even allow a species as flawed and corrupt as humans to carry His precious name, cast out demons in His name, and ask for anything in His name.

You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. John 14:14

I am not worthy to carry the Gospel. I am not pure enough. I am not Holy enough. I almost feel I insult my King when I call myself a Christian because it is such an audacity to label myself with such honor. The truth is, Jesus is the only worthy of carrying the Gospel, yet He carried the sins of the world.

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness...” 1 Peter 2:24a 

He instructed us the go out and go make disciples, knowing that we are so far from perfect. And although we will never be good enough for God, and although we are not saved through works but through faith in grace, we should not be passive, we should be proactive and go out and change the world with the love of Jesus. Because in doing so we are being obedient.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8, 9 

I am too flawed and small to comprehend the 

magnitude of His goodness and grace

But then a little voice from inside whispers and I feel at peace. 
It's the quiet voice that says, "I love you child." 
It's the quiet voice that says, "Through my blood you are righteous."

And then I lift my head, tie my shoes and I am His disciple.
Not worthy but worthy enough to die for.
Not holy, but holy enough to be in His presence.
Not anything at all, but through Him, all things, and able to do all things.

Because in these moments of weakness God is my source of strength. 
When I am weak, I am strong. He is everything I need.
And I, well, I am not worthy.